Feedback

Feedback

Two years ago today, I woke up sick as a dog to an email from someone with whom I had shared my unmastered-at-the-time album for feedback…

“I’ll be honest with you: I didn’t like your solo material and I believe it has nothing to do with me being narrow-minded…what I hear is a professionally recorded and produced material without soul. please don’t get me wrong…but I got the impression that you wanted to please everyone…the sound is right, the words are right, but the magic is just not happening…one expression comes to my mind: comfort zone

“hope you don’t get this wrong! (and who am I to judge anyway?) talk later, take care…”

Did I think they were wrong? Absolutely not. I tell people all the time, “Music is like wine—if you like it, it’s good.” Some people don’t prefer my variety of wine, and that’s cool.

I thanked that person for their constructive feedback, and my gratefulness was genuine—at that point, they were literally the only person who had told me that they didn’t like any of the songs on my album out of the nearly 300 people with whom I had been corresponding over the previous two months.

It was refreshing to get a negative response!

My debut solo album was a (selfish, I suppose) focused attempt to display a sense of my range; I have many different musical influences, and I don’t like to confine myself to any one style or genre.

Since releasing that album—recorded in late 2012 and early 2013—I have delved into different writing and recording and mixing and production approaches, and have “found” my voice, especially in the last nine months rehearsing with the new band.

Do I want to please everyone?? YES! But that’s idealistic, unrealistic. I accept that my work isn’t going to resonate with everyone, and I’m not afraid to take chances.

The simple truth about my music is…whatever it is to you, it is to YOU. Music is a deeply emotional art, and the listener-song connection is special (or not).

My music to me is personal expression, first and foremost. It’s the way I say the tough things that I believe need to be said, whether to or for myself and others. It’s also how I challenge myself—I’ve written many songs throughout my lifetime, and I never want to repeat an idea (unless it’s intentional).

And because my music is so personal, and I want it to resonate with as many people as possible, I have a tendency to overanalyze and second-guess myself.

But 2018 is to be a year of action.

I’ve realized that I spend a lot of time brainstorming ideas and writing new songs, entering the beginning stages of production, and yet fail to bring them to completion because I’m trying to make them as close to perfect as possible before I share them with the Bullfighters for their feedback—I’m embarrassed of the apparent (to me or others) flaws in my work; the raw, unfinished sound of a song in progress. The emotional impact simply isn’t there in a demo, that’s why it’s a demo.

I know first impressions count for a lot, but my desire for near-perfection has become counter-productive.

To break this habit, I am banishing my fear of pushing my creative babies out of the nest before they’re fully ready to fly, delivering demos to Bullfighters earlier than usual. In demos, you hear more dry recordings instead of polished productions, perhaps some off-key singing here and there, lyrics or parts which may not end up making the final cut, etc.—bottom line: they’re not ready. (This is way more nerve-wracking for me than when I was concerned with releasing my unmastered album back in 2015, at least those songs were completely recorded and mixed.)

I have also defined separate processes which focus on delivering new songs, blogs, and podcasts on a regular basis—time will be set aside each week to write/record/mix songs, write and publish new blogs, and record and release new podcast episodes.

In the coming weeks, I’ll be sending the Bullfighters demos of new songs for their personal feedback, which is important to me in helping decide which tunes to fully produce and rehearse and perform live. More blogs and podcast episodes will be coming soon, too (including a new weekly installment of mini episodes, about which I’m excited).

So, long story short…expect more from me than before, and if you dig what you’re hearing and reading, feel free to let me know.

If you don’t dig what I’m doing, feel free to let me know that, too. I can handle the truth.

Feedback is the breakfast of champions.

———
Visit the archive: https://therealjohnkay.wordpress.com

Join the fan club: Become a Bullfighter

Website: https://therealjohnkay.com
Music: Spotify Artist Page
Podcast: Get After It w/ John Kay on iTunes
Twitter: @TheRealJohnKay
Instagram: @therealjohnkay
Facebook: /TheRealJohnKay

Let he who would move the world first move himself. — Socrates

Copyright © 2018 John Kay, All rights reserved.

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I’m Breaking Up with You

I’m Breaking Up with You

I can’t do this anymore.

We’ve been together for years, and I have loved you more than you could ever comprehend.

But I now realize that our relationship has been toxic from the get-go, and I don’t see any signs of it changing anytime soon.

You have a dark side which cannot be ignored, and it’s time I call you out on it…

First of all, you’re insidious. You may distract me (and countless others) with your sweet exterior, but at your core you are poison.

Second, I find myself strangely addicted to you, like a drug. Just thinking about you makes my endorphins go wild. And like a drug, once I’ve had a taste of you, I can’t get enough, I need more and more. I lose self-control. It’s unhealthy, to say the least.

Third, even though I try to stay away, you are almost unavoidable. You seem to be everywhere I go, whether it’s my parents’ house, a grocery store, a gas station, even at my therapist’s office.

Bottom line: you are a Siren. You call to me with promises of joy and happiness, and in the end you deliver nothing but sabotage and pain.

But no more.

This letter is my way of tying myself to the masthead, to hear your call and be able to ignore it, to sail on. Because every single time I come back to you, even if it’s just one day, you let me down.

I want everyone to know your true nature so that when they see me with you, they’ll knock me back to my senses. They’ll speak up, knowing that by being with you I am doing myself actual harm, not just psychological harm, but emotional harm and (especially) physical harm, too.

The real problem here is that you’re always going to be a part of my life, and I don’t foresee anything that will change that fact. At Thanksgiving and Christmas, you’ll be there. At birthday parties, you’ll be there. At family reunions, friendly get-togethers, and more, you’ll be there. Even if I don’t want you there, someone is going to bring you around. It never fails.

You’ve got a lot of fans, to be sure, and there’s no way they are going to shut you out just because of the way I feel about you; they love you, and they don’t see you the way I do, because to do so would require such a radical shift in their lives that it would be too painful to change, even though you are already causing them untold pain and suffering, a certain amount of which they are aware.

But no matter how anyone else feels about you, it’s time for you and I to break up.

Because I’m done hating myself for spending time with you. I’m done feeling like a piece of garbage they day after we are together, with no motivation to do anything other than be with you even more. I’m done looking at myself in the mirror and seeing the effect that being with you has had on my body, even if it’s just for a weekend. I’m done with the emotional and psychological roller coaster ride you take me on when I try to deny myself of you.

Most of all, I’m done trying to blame you for my problems, because at the heart of it, it’s my fault for allowing you to get the best of me. I’m the one to blame.

So, it’s become obvious to me that the only way this is going to work is if I stay as far away from you as possible, and let the world know I don’t want to be with you any longer.

Well, here it goes…

As of January 1, 2018, I officially renounce sugar in all of its processed forms, including, but not limited to: refined white sugar, high fructose corn syrup, monosodium glutamate, anhydrous dextrose, brown sugar, corn syrup, cane crystals, cane sugar, corn sweetener, corn syrup solids, crystal dextrose, evaporated cane juice, fructose sweetener, fruit juice concentrates, malt syrup, lactose, maltose, carbitol, galactose, maltodextrin, and any other name the lab techs come up with to try to trick us into thinking something isn’t sugar, when it is.

We’ve had some good times, sugar, but it’s over.

Consider us broken up.

“Sugar’s ‘Tipping Point’ Link to Alzheimer’s Revealed”: http://neurosciencenews.com/alzheimers-glucose-neurology-6151/

“Sugar in the diet may increase risks of opioid addiction”: https://theconversation.com/sugar-in-the-diet-may-increase-risks-of-opioid-addiction-85313

“Sugar Rots Your Brain”: https://www.technologynetworks.com/neuroscience/news/sugar-rots-your-brain-285482

———
Visit the archive: https://therealjohnkay.wordpress.com

Join the fan club: Become a Bullfighter

Website: https://therealjohnkay.com
Music: Spotify Artist Page
Podcast: Get After It w/ John Kay on iTunes
Twitter: @TheRealJohnKay
Instagram: @therealjohnkay
Facebook: /TheRealJohnKay

Let he who would move the world first move himself. — Socrates

Copyright © 2018 John Kay, All rights reserved.

Don’t Mess With My Routine—What’s Yours?

Don’t Mess With My Routine—What’s Yours?

Let he who would move the world first move himself. — Socrates

In studying history, there are numerous examples of, and testimonies from, successful people who, in addition to waking at the same time each day, adhere to a consistent morning routine which works for their lifestyle.

And if one truly values time, they allow room to maneuver, because life can be unpredictable.

What I do…

  1. Wake at 7:00
  2. Start working at 7:30
  3. Coffee at 8:00
  4. Jump rope and exercise from 10:00-noon
  5. Work from noon-7:00 or 8:00
  6. Dinner at 7:00 or 8:00
  7. Read or socialize from 8:00-10:00
  8. Wind down from 10:00-midnight
  9. Sleep for a minimum of seven hours

Every. Single. Day.

No matter what.

Yeah, it looks boring on paper. But within rules…there is freedom!

For starters, I use the word “work” to mean “acting with intention.”

This means some weeks I do work seven days, but I generally work five so I can spend more time with loved ones and friends, or simply recharge my batteries. It all depends on what is happening in my relational world, what needs to get done from a traction perspective professionally, and my energy levels as a result of honoring those two.

But my morning routine doesn’t change. For a few reasons…

By sitting down to work first thing in the day, I tap into the creative energy provided by the Muse of my subconscious, which was just fully engaged for seven hours (I dream nightly). As a result, I usually produce my best work in the morning.

While I generally drink my blended coffee instead of eating breakfast—intermittent fasting promotes a better metabolism—a couple days a week I’ll switch it up and have a full breakfast of bacon and eggs with spinach, onions, and avocado.

Jumping rope for 20-25 minutes every day is my “keystone habit,” the one thing I do daily. It ensures I get my physical activity in for the day, and I find it meditative—by the time I’m jumping rope, I’ve used my brain creatively for at least two hours; my jump rope time is my opportunity to empty my mind.

Finally, when it comes to exercise, my workouts are varied: Sundays and Wednesdays are the same—a combination kettlebell and push-up workout—but I exercise different muscle groups on Mondays and Fridays. After jumping rope on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, I train in Wing Chun Do, and each class is unique, focusing on different techniques and applications. Because of this varied schedule, I don’t get bored with my exercise program.

Everything I do beyond noon each day either involves being creative or honoring my relationships, and I do my best to maintain a healthy balance of both.

Bottom line: I don’t prioritize my schedule. I schedule my priorities.

This is not my idea. This comes straight from Stephen Covey’s bestseller, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He calls it “putting first things first.”

So I recommend that if you don’t already, put first things first: make a list of your top priorities at the beginning of each week, schedule them accordingly, and commit.

Making and adhering to a schedule doesn’t mean a person is rigid. It means they value their time and the time of those whom they care about.

Understand: You are the architect of your life.

Don’t let anyone mess with your routine.

You are the programmer.

Write the program.

Run the program.

You’ve got this.

Get after it.

Today.

Now.

Go!

😀

P.S. Everybody’s got one, so what is your routine? Tell me at blog [at] therealjohnkay [dot] com.

P.P.S. “Don’t Mess With My Routine” on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/275TkDZqnuF1GtxjdNHubm

———
Visit the archive: https://therealjohnkay.wordpress.com

Join the fan club: Become a Bullfighter

Website: https://therealjohnkay.com
Music: Spotify Artist Page
Podcast: Get After It w/ John Kay on iTunes
Twitter: @TheRealJohnKay
Instagram: @therealjohnkay
Facebook: /TheRealJohnKay

Let he who would move the world first move himself. — Socrates

Copyright © 2018 John Kay, All rights reserved.

10 Things to Keep in Mind When It Comes to Getting in Shape

10 Things to Keep in Mind When It Comes to Getting in Shape

Within the past couple of weeks, I reached out to a few of my dear friends and readers just to reconnect and see how things are in their world.

There were many subjects discussed, and a frequent topic of correspondence was fitness, namely, what we’re all doing or not doing about our own. Since I’ve learned that so many of you are interested in the subject, I figured I’d take the answers I gave to different people’s questions and combine them into an easy list to share.

Here it is. 🙂

1. You can do it. 

You don’t need anyone’s permission or support. The only thing stopping you is yourself. You can decide right this very instant to make a positive change in your life, for yourself, and no one else. You don’t need a partner, or a trainer — if you see someone in a shape you’d like to be, ask them for pointers. (This applies to more than just diet and exercise.)

My journey into fitness started ten years ago. I was in a band with a guy who was in great physical shape, and I asked him if he would teach me how to exercise properly. He was happy to do so. Simple as that. It’s only hard in your mind (see #9), and it gets easier over time, through consistency.

2. Consistency is the key to success. 

There has to be some sort of physical activity every single day. It doesn’t always have to be cardio, or heavy lifting, but the body requires movement on a daily basis. The body wants to exert itself. Your body wants to exercise. You don’t. You have to honor your body’s request every 24 hours somehow.

How do I get my physical activity in? I do these exercises 25 minutes each: kettlebell workout and jump rope at home (Sundays and Wednesdays); jump rope at home and shoulder exercises at the gym (Mondays and Fridays); jump rope at home then train for 90 minutes at Ambrose Academy (Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays).

3. Sleep has to be the top priority. 

So much growth and recovery happens during sleep. And different ages require different amounts — i.e. a 3-month-old baby needs at least 12 hours a day, whereas a 35-year-old requires 7-8 hours at a minimum. By neglecting your sleep, you are impairing your ability to function in many ways beyond simply being “a little tired” — decision-making, emotional balance, qualitative results, interpersonal communication, and more are all impacted by lack of sleep.

I used to believe sleeping fewer hours and working longer hours was a badge of honor. I now know it’s a badge of ignorance. Sleep was the first commitment I made to myself: get seven hours of sleep minimum per night, no matter what. I also do my best to adhere to my circadian rhythm — I dim and turn off lights in the house once the sun goes down, stop looking at screens by 11:00pm, sleep in darkness, and wake at 7:00am daily. I feel refreshed and focused at the beginning of every day, and adhering to a consistent sleep schedule has radically changed my energy levels, along with the benefits of making better decisions, being more emotionally balanced, getting great results, and nurturing more relationships.

4. Diet is more important than exercise.

Consuming nothing but water for an hour after waking up; a 2:00pm caffeine curfew; staying away from sugar and grains as best as possible; eating organic, free-range, cage-free, grass-fed and -finished meats and dairy products; consuming fresh, organic vegetables and fruits; supplementing with important vitamins, oils, herbs, roots, and minerals; …these are my new ways of eating.

Input dictates output, and what we consume directly informs what we see in the mirror, far beyond anything exercise can accomplish alone. If you keep eating the same food as you begin your journey toward achieving your fitness goals, you’ll become frustrated when you see minimal results even though you exercise consistently. In fact, you may even appear to have gained weight, because in addition to the inflammation already in your body from eating inflammation-causing foods, you’re causing inflammation through exercise. What you eat, and when you eat it (see #6), is much more critical than how much you can bench press or squat, or how many calories you burn on the treadmill. Garbage in, garbage out.

5. Sugar is the enemy.

The first piece of trash most Americans need to take out? SUGAR. Fat is not the problem. Sugar is. It’s terrible for you, and it’s incredibly addictive — the same spots in the brain light up in sugar eaters as do cocaine users. And when sugar is combined with saturated fats, it wreaks havoc on the whole body, causing all sorts of fallout from cortisol-cycle deregulation to insulin production issues, storing excess fat, diseases, sleep problems, emotional imbalance, etc.

My guideline is no more than 25 grams of sugar in a day, if I even have sugar. Most days, I don’t. It’s tough, because I love sweets, and sugar is in a lot of things you wouldn’t expect. But bottom line, sugar screws with your mind and makes you fat. Eat healthy fats, stay away from sugar.

6. Intermittent fasting promotes quicker results.

If you want to get faster results, fast. Too many people think that “fasting” means “anorexia,” or “hunger strike.” Nothing could be further from the truth. I’m not saying go for days with nothing but water, though that is a good thing to do perhaps once a year to hit the body’s reset button, according to studies I’ve read. I’m talking about intermittent fasting: By shortening the time period within which you eat each day — that is, anywhere from a 9- to 12-hour window — you can kick your metabolism into high gear.

I get up at 7:00 each day and do my morning thing, then at 8:00 I sit down with my cup of coffee to work. If I eat breakfast, it’s at 10:30, and my dinner will be at 8:30, giving me a 10-hour window; if I’m not going to eat breakfast, I blend my coffee with a tablespoon each of butter, MCT oil, and grass-fed beef collagen protein powder, which gives me fuel and energy for 6-8 hours, and tricks the body into thinking I still haven’t eaten. I’ll have lunch somewhere around 2-3:30, and I don’t eat past 10:00pm, which gives me a 6 1/2- to 8-hour window, like hitting a turbo boost.

7. A jump rope is the best piece of fitness equipment.

“I’ve never seen a boxer who didn’t jump rope,” my mom once told me. I bought a jump rope the next day.

A jump rope works your upper body, lower body, and core, and strengthens your skeletal and muscular system. It’s an aerobic exercise, so you’re getting cardio, and it increases your hand/eye/foot/ear coordination. It’s lightweight, portable, and can fit in most purses or shaving kits, so you can take it anywhere  (my last one went to Europe with me on tour). It’s safe, doesn’t break easily, and is simple to use, no instructions necessary. And it works, regardless of gender.

You don’t need a gym membership to start working out, or buy an expensive piece of equipment or a few dumbbells, or get a pricey Blu-Ray set, or hire a personal trainer. At first, just buy a jump rope. It’s the best. One final thought: Most runners run heel-toe, because running shoes are designed to absorb shock in the heel. That’s because we’re not meant to run on our heels, but on our toes. I’ve found that by jumping rope, I’m getting the cardio benefits of running without the knee pain, and I’m jumping on the pads of my feet, which is strengthening my knees (or so I think).

8. If it doesn’t work for you, it’s pure entertainment. 

Speaking of “or so I think,” that’s the real question — what is actually going to work for you? It depends. I’m not a doctor by any means, but I have intimate experience with my body (gross). Through trial and error and research and study, I’ve found what works and doesn’t work for me. This list is based on my personal experience.

You have to do the same for yourself. Don’t jump on every exercise or health food fad that comes around, but do look into what makes most sense to you and try it out. Does the Atkins diet work? Should you become a pescatarian? Should you do the butter coffee as I do? Perhaps. I don’t know. Take what you know, apply it to what you don’t know, and figure it out. It’s about whatever works for you, because as Sijo says, if it doesn’t work for you, it’s pure entertainment.

9. It’s a mental game. 

The folks who achieve their fitness goals do so by getting their minds right first. This isn’t just about positive self-talk — which is important, too — it’s about everything I’ve already listed above.

Knowing you can do it hits the brain’s delete button on the old program; being consistent reprograms the brain’s subconscious to run the new software you’re installing; getting a good night’s sleep improves the brain’s cognitive function; consuming the right foods promotes a healthy brain; staying away from sugar vastly reduces brain inflammation; fasting causes the brain to adapt and become more efficient; exercise improves memory and thinking skills.

And finally, if something isn’t working for you — a relationship, a job, a particular situation — it usually results in a certain amount of anxiety, however great or small, which can damage the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for emotions, survival instincts, and memory.

Get the mental game right, and you’re halfway there before you lift a single weight. Find out what doesn’t work for you — don’t let the tooth rot; extract it.

10. The benefits exceed physical health. 

Beyond keeping your body healthy, it helps your sleep, sharpens your mind, and improves your sex life. Case closed.

That’s what works for me. What works for you??

P.S. Good news! Spotify finally got me my own Artist Page! 😀 You can follow me on Spotify here: https://open.spotify.com/artist/7Lx9QDuqrvKCyr1jr1Q324

P.P.S. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the books Fitness Confidential and The Bulletproof Diet, as they are two major influences on my views above.

———
Visit the archive: https://therealjohnkay.wordpress.com

Join the fan club: Become a Bullfighter

Website: https://therealjohnkay.com
Music: Spotify Artist Page
Podcast: Get After It w/ John Kay on iTunes
Twitter: @TheRealJohnKay
Instagram: @therealjohnkay
Facebook: /TheRealJohnKay

Let he who would move the world first move himself. — Socrates

Copyright © 2018 John Kay, All rights reserved.

Accentuate the Positive, Eliminate the Negative

Accentuate the Positive, Eliminate the Negative

According to the last person who unsubscribed from my mailing list, I have a problem: I’m too negative.

I don’t normally follow up with those who unsubscribe, but this was an exception. This particular person is someone I met during my Koffin Kats days, a wonderful human being who is kind, generous, and supportive of my endeavors. They joined my mailing list just before my days with KK were over, and interacted with me regularly.

And then, just after I sent my last blog, they unsubscribed. So I had to reach out and ask why.

They informed me that “it all started back when you made a few comments on FB about your time/feelings towards/experiences with the Koffin Kats. I was really disappointed to read some of the disparaging things you wrote. I unfollowed you on FB at that time because I felt like it there was a lot of needless negativity there and I just didn’t want to see any more of it. You are totally entitled to your feelings, they are yours and therefore they ARE valid. I would never say otherwise. It just wasn’t something I was interested in seeing.

“More recently, your email/blog post about Nelson Ellis’s passing felt like a platform that you used to complain about sensing your own mortality. There was so much negativity in it. As well as the previous email regarding the band mates who abruptly severed ties with you.

“Please understand John, I’m not here to say that any of this was wrong on your part. You have an incredible way of expressing yourself, and you are entitled to your feelings and opinions. It’s not my place to say that any of it is ‘wrong’ or ‘not valid’ because they are your thoughts and opinions. You own that shit and no one can take your freedom of expression away. There’s just a LOT of negativity saturating these emails and I have a really hard time digesting it.

“I desperately need to be surrounded by uplifting things. Music, listening to my kid laughing at the crab in Moana for the THOUSANDTH time, stupid memes.. anything!!! And lately (because their frequency has picked up) your emails are more of a source of frustration. I know I could just NOT read them.. but I like knowing what’s been new with you and what you’ve been doing. I truly hope things are better with you than how they are often sounding.

“I sincerely hope you understand that I mean no ill towards you whatsoever. I’m just doing everything I can to keep my eyes fixed on the lighter side of life… cuz there’s a huge scary dark side to it all, and it’s suffocating…”

This hit me like a ton of bricks.

I thought that showing my warts and being honest about the hurdles on my path was the way to truly connect with others, but it seems to be driving people away.

The fact is…my life is great. Yes, I experience setbacks from time to time, but for the most part, everything is fine.

But in a strange way, I’ve always felt that I should play down how good things are, because they can end at any moment, be ruined by some unforeseen event or situation.

I haven’t written anything since receiving that email because I knew that the next thing I wrote would absolutely have to be about that email, and I’ve been scared to let it out.

Well, here it is. I’m afraid.

I’m afraid that when I mention something good that’s happening, it will end or be ruined somehow.

I’m afraid that if I communicate my vision for the next ten years, it won’t come to fruition.

I’m afraid to introduce the people on my team, lest they end up leaving.

I’m afraid to say how happy I am, because the pattern of my life is such that when I talk about something good, it ends.

I don’t want what’s happening in my life right now to end.

And I feel that if I speak publicly about the good things, then the evil part of the universe — It, if you will, dear friends and neighbors — will conspire to eradicate them all.

But I must, because my “negativity” is driving people away.

Fine.

(deep breath)

I have a great house in a wonderful neighborhood, with a backyard I can mow.

I have a beautiful woman in my life, and we have designs on getting a dog soon.

I have a growing family, and have begun to reconnect with family members I haven’t seen in years.

I have been training in Wing Chun Do for just over a year, and am a few months away from being an “advanced” student.

I’ve got two new songs in production, and one being mastered right now for public release.

I’ve got a great group of people learning, practicing, and rehearsing my music in order to perform and tour.

I have amazing fans all over the United States from Portland, Maine, to Los Angeles, California, who love my music and can’t wait for me to come to town and play for them.

I have a clear vision of where I want to be in ten years, and I am making the necessary sacrifices and taking the calculated risks to get there.

Guys and gals, I want you to know that if you’re still reading this, or any of my musings, I appreciate you. I get dozens of emails after sending these out, and though I don’t respond to all of them, I read every one. I love hearing from all of you, and staying up to date on your happenings.

Whatever your opinion of my music, writing, podcast, etc., I want to hear it — I’m not just creating for the sake of creation, I’m creating to make an impact on others, to improve people’s lives.

So if you feel my content is focused too much on the negative, say so. I’ll listen.

But I promise, from here on out, I will endeavor to “accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative,” as my mother always says.

Is that cool with YOU?

P.S. Downplaying my strengths has been a pattern of mine for as long as I can recall, and I had an epiphany regarding this subject in my latest podcast with Cody Hawken.

P.P.S. If you met me during my Koffin Kats days and want to know the REAL story of why I’m no longer in the group, message me privately.

P.P.P.S. Everything’s fine.

———
Visit the archive: https://therealjohnkay.wordpress.com

Join the fan club: Become a Bullfighter

Website: https://therealjohnkay.com
Music: Spotify Artist Page
Podcast: Get After It w/ John Kay on iTunes
Twitter: @TheRealJohnKay
Instagram: @therealjohnkay
Facebook: /TheRealJohnKay

Let he who would move the world first move himself. — Socrates

Copyright © 2018 John Kay, All rights reserved.

Take Out the Trash

Take Out the Trash

“Nothing’s changed.”

Those who are connected with me on Facebook see that phrase every day.

Each morning, I go to the On This Day app within Facebook (many others use the Timehop app) and look at my posts from previous years. I use it to assess my progress and foster a sense of gratitude first thing in the day.

When my old posts are still relevant, I comment with “Nothing’s changed.” Those types of posts are usually centered on my core values, my humor, the way I feel about my family, my ambitions and goals, my love for music — these have never changed.

But when my posts are irrelevant, I take out the trash.

I created my Facebook account in early 2009, and I’m the same person, but not the same personality I was eight — or even five — years ago. Plus, I’ve learned a lot about social media and privacy since first joining (God knows what’s still on my MySpace account).

For most of 2009-2012, I was drunk. Not just on alcohol, which I was, but also on my nascent audio engineering career and the success of my band at the time (Bat On Fire), along with the subsequent praise I was getting from my growing network of peers and colleagues at shows, on the radio, and especially on social media.

I got caught up in the idea of being a local celebrity: getting into all the good concerts for free, getting drinks bought for me, getting invited out to everything, being with women.

Because of my personal headtrash, my Facebook posts from 2009 to mid-2011 mostly revolved around my band; clients I was recording, mixing, or producing; partying; being an audio engineering blowhard; and “bad decisions” (getting laid).

The problem was I felt like I had power. It’s quite embarrassing to read some of the things I posted back then.

I was lost. That is not who I really am, or ever really was.

So, I get rid of it all. I delete the posts, or I remove myself from being tagged in them.

I don’t do this because I’m afraid a future employer will find it, or my girlfriend or family will think less of me if they see it (hell, they’ve known me this whole time).

I’m doing this because I don’t want to remember any of it. Certain episodes, events, and chapters in my past, in a way, disgust me. I want to forgive myself for being a douchebag, forget it, and move on.

It’s not that the past is burdening me, or that I have closure issues — I’m putting as much goodness out into the world as possible, which I hope outweighs my past transgressions; I’m at peace, and karma works in wondrous ways.

The issue is my photographic memory.

When I see these old posts, my mind catapults me back in time to the circumstances surrounding the post, how I felt at the time, what my diet was like, what my belief system was caught up in, how ego-driven I was. The trash posts drum up old feelings of guilt and shame.

But again, these posts are accompanied by many other posts which are positive in nature and timeless in their value. They remain relevant to me and my life, and remind me that even though I made some bad decisions or behaved like a jerk from time to time, I’m still walking a righteous path.

I want to focus on the good, not the bad. In order to improve that focus, I take out the trash. Not just on social media, but in real life, too. Anything that takes away my focus from the present and moves me further away from my goals, I eliminate it.

My mom taught my brother and I from a very young age to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. Maybe it’s a testament to her that I do that exact thing every morning, first thing…

Nothing’s changed.

———
Visit the archive: https://therealjohnkay.wordpress.com

Join the fan club: Become a Bullfighter

Website: https://therealjohnkay.com
Music: Spotify Artist Page
Podcast: Get After It w/ John Kay on iTunes
Twitter: @TheRealJohnKay
Instagram: @therealjohnkay
Facebook: /TheRealJohnKay

Let he who would move the world first move himself. — Socrates

Copyright © 2018 John Kay, All rights reserved.

Be Aware, Opportunity Knocks

Be Aware, Opportunity Knocks

https://youtu.be/sfmQvc6tB1o

I don’t cry often, but I have sensitive spots, and this commercial hits a spot.

A creature — an idea — is born, “scary and messy and fragile”.  It walks the streets, receiving looks of disgust from passersby, its fur and tail matted with filth.  An outcast everywhere it goes, it seems it doesn’t have a home.  The creature appears quite sad.

And then a person puts their arm around the creature and guides it into the GE building, smiling and talking and laughing, the creature’s fur and tail becoming cleaner and prettier with each passing moment.

In the final scene, the creature, now clean and colorful, walks alone onto a stage in front of a large audience — they are giving a standing ovation.  The scene fades out as the creature steps behind a microphone to address the audience.

The tagline is “Yes, ideas are scary, and messy, and fragile…but under the proper care, they become something beautiful.”

Gets me every time.

The point is, we’ve all got something to say, and even the scariest and messiest and most fragile of us need love in order to become our best, to bring our ideas to fruition.

Everything and everyone contains a unique opportunity.

Back in June 2016, I read my local paper and saw a bunch of errors, so I found out who the publisher was and scheduled a meeting to discuss how I could assist in making their paper better.  This meeting led to me being hired to do some editing and also to rewrite a political ad.

Rewriting that ad was the experience which led to working with a candidate for Wayne County Third Circuit Court Judge.  I crafted a 14,000-word story about her life and career, and used it as the centerpiece of a grassroots social media mobilization, which, according to her social media marketing manager, was the crucial ingredient in her being elected to a seat on the bench.

When the judge and I first met, she asked me how I came to write political ads for the Redford Connection.  I explained to her that I looked at the paper, saw the errors, and instead of seeing a problem, I saw…

She finished the sentence for me, “You saw opportunity.”

She nailed it.  I heard opportunity knocking, and I opened the door.

It was an opportunity to help my community by assisting the local newspaper, which is run by two gentlemen who place great value on engagement, growth, humility, integrity, and a servant mentality.  They love the community of Redford, and they love its citizens.  They want to be the best they can be.

But the opportunity to help these gentlemen would never have been discovered if I wasn’t already in the habit of cultivating awareness.  If I wasn’t so focused on details, the little things that most others dismiss as unimportant in the grand scheme of life, I wouldn’t have noticed any errors to begin with.

The judge’s social media marketing manager was impressed with my skill set, and has since introduced me to several business owners in the hopes of engaging my talents to help them write their stories and create content which will add value for their customers and (ultimately) profits to their business.

I had a meeting yesterday with one of these business owners.  We spoke for less than an hour, then he shook my hand and told me that, from here on out, I am his go-to premium content creator.  This was after he asked what he could do to help me get further along my path, how I preferred to work, what my schedule is like, and what my rates are.

After that meeting, I went to the office of the publisher of the newspaper which started this journey, and discussed working together to transition the paper into a formidable source of Redford news, information, journalism, and community outreach, with a strong online presence via a website and social media.  I’m now formulating an overall strategy, and coordinating the team which will implement it.

None of these things would be possible, I would not know any of these people, if when I picked up the paper from my porch seven months ago I didn’t notice any errors, or saw the errors and threw the paper away, dismissing it as an amateur rag.  None of these opportunities would have come to be if I didn’t recognize an opportunity in the first place.

Understand: a heightened sense of awareness helps in all areas of life.

You need to be aware of the opportunities around you, especially if you are already somehow at a disadvantage.  Take advantage of all opportunities that are available to you, and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for doing so.

There may already be an opportunity that you know is right for you, an opportunity that completely aligns with your value system and who you are, and what you really want to do.  But that opportunity may challenge the beliefs of people who are close to you, people who you love, or who you associate with regularly.  They may say it’s too risky, or too difficult, or too expensive, or too selfish, or too different, too radical, too scary.

I’m telling you now, go get that opportunity.  Go take that opportunity and make it the best opportunity for you.

Be warned, some opportunities will present themselves to you that may seem like good opportunities, but in fact are not, and rob you of precious time and resources which would otherwise be used for better opportunities.  The key is to be aware of the path that you’re on and what values you hold within yourself, and adhere to those values, letting them guide your decision-making.  Let your experience and your values be your map and compass.

Remember: you are where you are today because of the decisions you made yesterday.  Likewise, tomorrow is the result of the decisions you make today.  Hold yourself accountable to making better decisions today, and you’ll wake up with a better tomorrow.

If someone whose values align with yours is willing to offer their help, take it.  If there’s a tool that will help you become more effective at your job, get it and use it.  If there’s a person who supports your endeavors, love that person and champion them.

A lot of people don’t answer when opportunity knocks.  A lot of people can’t recognize when opportunity knocks, or they’re not prepared when it does.  A lot of people are unaware of all of the opportunities available to them.  Knowing all of this puts you at an advantage.

So be prepared and be aware, because opportunity is always knocking.  You just have to know how to listen.

 

P.S. Episode 003 of my podcast Get After It!, with my guest Jim Doyon, is now live!  Jim is the founder and co-owner of InkAddict, a tattoo lifestyle apparel company, and he hates doing interviews, so I’m grateful to have the opportunity to share with you his insight and wisdom on life and business.  Click the link and get after it!  http://getafterit.libsyn.com/get-after-it-w-john-kay-003-jim-doyon

P.P.S.  I’m working on a new song, and plan to have the recording process wrapped up this week.  😀

P.P.P.S.  If you haven’t given me your feedback on my newest song, I’d love to hear it.  Feedback is the breakfast of champions, and based on what I’m being told, this may be my best song yet.  What do YOU think?  Check it out here, then let me know: https://johnkay.bandcamp.com/track/we-know-were-gonna-die

———
Visit the archive: https://therealjohnkay.wordpress.com

Join the fan club: Become a Bullfighter

Website: https://therealjohnkay.com
Music: Spotify Artist Page
Podcast: Get After It w/ John Kay on iTunes
Twitter: @TheRealJohnKay
Instagram: @therealjohnkay
Facebook: /TheRealJohnKay

Let he who would move the world first move himself. — Socrates

Copyright © 2018 John Kay, All rights reserved.